The reality of relationship breakups is that if we are truly honest with ourselves….we did ‘see it coming’. More often than not with anything that we don’t want to happen in our lives, we create internal ‘stories’, excuses, justifications. We do this to protect ourselves. We do this because deep down the fear that burns within us that is part of our human survival tool kit, thrives on our challenges in life.
It happens in any type of relationship. For example – we might be working in a job that if we were true to ourselves, we only half enjoyed. So, we make up an internal dialogue that cements us in our day in/day out routine. Now I’m not saying that financial security, especially in this day and age, is something to be risked however it is the fuel for fear in this situation and often times despite our own instincts that we could do better, or we should pursue something we really want to do, we remain for fear of not succeeding somewhere else.
Then there is a long-term marriage. The relationship was great in the beginning…endured highs and lows along the way…then something started to be ‘missing’. Something seemed not ‘right’. The fear of being alone or unable to ‘survive’ in the world without a partner begins to overwhelm. Despite the gap in the relationship widening, the ‘stories’ that it is all ok and will be ok, increase. It’s the lie that is told that the fear just loves! Then sometimes, the marriage ends, and the internal battle begins. The fear continues to rise. Especially for people who are over 50. “Where will I live? I’ve had this lovely home for so long and now what do I do?” “Who will want me? I’m not the same as I was 30 years ago” “What is my life all about?”
The key is the ‘risk’ factor. The leap of faith…the trust in our own ability to not only get through the pain and heartache however to take some time to be with ourselves. It’s hard. Fear sits with us and keeps whispering negativity and doom in our ears. The noise can be so loud sometimes that the flood of emotions overtakes us.
However, consider this. Imagine if the risk of leaving that job that really wasn’t satisfying and was wasting your days was worth it. What if being honest and seeing that relationship for what it had actually become gave the courage to step away….take that leap of faith. What’s the worst thing that could happen? Sure, there might be times that get tougher before they get better however what if that only gave life lessons that strengthened and opened up a whole new world?
The focus today is on the power of Fear. We see it everywhere. We turn the television on and it is ‘front and center’ of everything produced. We listen to talkback radio and it’s often filled with blame, uncertainty, negativity. We read a newspaper and the headlines jump out to shock us!
So how, in amongst all of this, do we find our way? Fears’ enemy is Hope. Hope breeds Solutions. Solutions come from Creativity and Inspiration which all come from Belief. Believe in ourselves. Trust in our own abilities. It’s not easy and I’m the first one to step up and say that it’s more often than not downright hard! However here is the key – learning who we are, loving ourselves first. Taking the time to ‘be’ with ourselves and trust ourselves, opens the way for Fear to leave…or at the very least go silent for a while.
When we give our self permission to trust ourselves and to own who we truly are, the opportunities and gifts of life flood in….if we simply allow ourselves to be openly receptive to all great things.
What are you doing in your life that you know deep down isn’t what you truly want to be doing? What is happening in your life that you feel is not as joyous as you want for yourself? Big questions. Worth spending time to answer.
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- Heart Hugs, Jaynie xxx
Jaynie Morris
Jaynie Morris is an Author, Speaker and Advocate for Women over 50. She is the Founder of SheroesUnlimited Global Community for Women Over 50.
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